As first years settle into their new surroundings, second years adjust to their heavy workload, and third years ask themselves the question: What’s next? This can all come with a shadow that follows—loneliness and a sense of self-doubt. Going into my second year and reflecting on my first, I often felt lonely, not having the large friendship group I saw on social media going out on weekends and attending weekly social nights. As an introvert, university became overwhelming, and the pressure to know exactly who you are, who your friends are, and to constantly go out partying was building and about to burst. I didn’t know where I fit.
Don’t get me wrong; I made some lovely connections, but I still felt like I didn’t know myself well enough to confidently put myself out there. That’s when I decided that this semester, I would become my own best friend. The person we spend the most time with is ourselves; we are constantly in our own company, listening to our inner monologue. If we don’t nurture and appreciate that friendship, the feeling of loneliness can take over.
Meeting new people and forming connections are vital—we as humans aren’t meant to be alone—but I believe the best relationships start with the one you have with yourself.
When you learn to care for, love, and appreciate yourself, you can grow into the person you want to be without needing the approval of others or the friends you wish you had. This self-acceptance can help you be discerning about who you let into your life; craving and desperately needing validation from others can often attract the wrong people and lead to toxic friendships. When we value ourselves, we also value the friendships we allow in, and those are the relationships that can be lifelong and truly rewarding.
So how do you do this? It isn’t an easy journey, but it’s one you can start right now. I began by talking to myself the way I would a friend—kindly and with compassion—practicing positive affirmations that eventually became part of my daily routine. This allowed me to self-soothe and validate my own feelings, knowing exactly what I needed in each moment to feel good. I also started taking myself on weekly solo dates, doing things I loved. I had often wished I had someone to go with to a gallery, on a day trip, or for coffee, but as life got busier, many of my friends didn’t have the time. So, week by week, I spent valuable time with myself doing my favorite things, embracing new and old hobbies, and reconnecting with who I am.
Even the simplest activities, like going to a coffee shop and reading a book, can feel daunting at first, but each time I left with a new sense of empowerment and confidence. I also made a point to do one small act of kindness for myself each day—whether it was running a bath after a stressful day, treating myself to a coffee between lectures, or making a nutritious meal. As students, we often neglect ourselves in the hustle of daily life, but allowing yourself to pause and ask, What do I need right now? What would I do for a friend feeling this way? can make a huge difference.
Throughout this journey, celebrate your small wins and even your losses. It won’t always be easy, and there will be times when loneliness feels heavy, but never be afraid to ask for help. Talk to someone who adds value to your life, because even when you’re becoming your own best friend, sometimes we all still need a hug.
My inner best friend comforted me when I didn’t feel seen or heard by others, and finding comfort in my solitude has allowed me to be the best friend I always wanted and needed. University can be a daunting place, but knowing you have yourself—and that you’re okay with that—brings an incredible sense of comfort.
I found my true confidence, and now I tell myself each day: If I can do things on my own, I can do anything. This can be a reality for you too. You deserve to love yourself as much as you love others and want to be loved—especially as you start this new journey of university or post-grad life.
