Questioning your gender identity is a difficult time, particularly for those who begin that journey later in life. Changing gender identities is normal, and so many different stories have been explored, yet intersex identities have notably had less screen time to tell their stories. But in an attempt to help remedy this, one author has taken to manga to tell of their own experiences.
At 30, I Realised I Had No Gender is a manga memoir describing the life and challenges of author Shou Arai, an intersex writer. The book details the changing attitudes he has and has had towards himself and his gender identity as time as gone on, from living as a female-presenting individual before transitioning to male-presenting. This comic-manga takes us through some of the challenges faced, the developments made and thinking towards himself and gender, as well as advice and life lessons he has picked up from two decades of discovering who he truly is.
First of all, and arguably most importantly, this book has intersex representation! True, authentic intersex representation is so difficult to come by, even in LGBTQ+ literature so to have such candid and honest representation is a huge positive that this book provides. I also enjoyed the use of manga as a medium, although there were issues with it, as this is often also underrepresented in favour of more traditional books and Western voices, so this book was off to a good start in my books!
I also enjoyed the way in which the issues discussed were handled. I have already alluded to the honesty and candour of this book, but also the level of detail Arai goes into and the way he addresses the issues not in a lecturing way or as an expert, but as an honest person seemingly just discussing intersex experiences. For many who are intersex, this will be a powerful account and one that can speak directly to them, which is always a huge positive. Whether it’s discussing his time identifying as female, his present identity or the transition time in between, it is a great insight into the period of questioning, so often overlooked.
However, there were a number of issues I found with this book, mainly returning to its manga formatting. I’m not a manga reader by trade, but knew enough to get started, although the tutorial on how to read manga being located at the end (or front?) of the book was somewhat ironic. This tutorial advised readers to follow text from right to left and downwards, a mirror image of traditional reading methodology. But whilst this was advised, I found many of the panels didn’t make sense being read in that order. I often felt as if I was jumping between storylines, which was only ameliorated by reading instead from right to left, but then downwards, and then progressing onto a second column. It may be me not following the discussion as I should have, but this method made the story make a lot more sense, which is contrasted to the way of reading manga commonly used and described in this own book.
And even when I took this approach, I still struggled to understand quite what was happening. This occurred on and off throughout the book, being able to follow some stories and then this dropping off, or vice versa, some I understood easily and some I simply had no clue what was happening. I assume that this was largely due to a reader error rather than one in the book itself, but it still presents a challenge to new readers and those who may be looking to break into manga for the first time that the book can often challenge readers, but not always in the way it attempts to, which acts as a barrier to understanding
At 30, I Realised I Had No Gender attempts to break new ground with what it communicates, and in many ways this is successful, bringing intersex realities to the forefront of consciousness and iterate the extensive challenges intersex people face. However, the book has several fundamental flaws that can make it difficult to access. I fully appreciate the strides this book has attempted to take, but fear it may have fallen short in some of these areas.
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
At 30, I Realised I Had No Gender (ISBN: 978-1-4278-7345-3) was published in 2023. A copy is available to borrow from the LGBTQ+ Lending Library in the LGBTQ+ Lounge
