Relationships are made, held and broken repeatedly throughout university and throughout life, and who really gets any better at doing them? You may have read books about improving your prospects or your relationships, that never seem to make any differences. Maybe the problem isn’t you, but the system you’re trying to break into.
Rewriting the Rules is a self-help guide that’s not, all about relationships with yourself, with others and with the world, the unwritten rules governing them and how we can alter these supposed rules to better fit our own realities. Part guide, part workbook, Rewriting the Rules takes us on a deep dive into what we think we know and how we can challenge our own thinking to build better relationships with those around us.
If you’re looking for something to fundamentally make you question everything you think you know about relationships, this is a great way to do it. But it doesn’t shift it in a way that feels shocking or unnerving, but makes you think a little more about your relationships in a healthy, considered, measured way. There are little activities throughout the book to help put the concepts it discusses into practice which at times is definitely appreciated and it’s organised in such a way that reading it feels natural, more so than many other books seeking to do something similar.
I also really appreciated the self-awareness Barker shows throughout, in constantly pointing out that primarily, the book is not meant as a self-help guide, mainly things to consider, as well as repeating that not everything is meant to be read as gospel. The author accepts that this book is meant to be dipped into and out of and that not everything will be applicable to everyone, and that makes this a lot more accessible to everyone, rather than a book that sets out to show you everything you’re doing wrong.
As a single pringle, I went into this book not expecting much to apply to me yet I found myself reading intently at many points. It’s not a boastful book, or one that professes to be from an expert, but is clearly well informed, well written and definitely adds a new dimension to your relationship goals.
Rating: ★★★★☆
Rewriting the Rules (ISBN: 978-1-138-04359-6) was published in 2018. A copy is available to borrow from the LGBTQ+ Lending Library in the LGBTQ+ Lounge
