It’s time I admit to something I am not proud of. I have seen and enjoyed all 6 Sharknado films and similar, terrible products.
When I was younger, I was obsessed with all these wacky low-budget “horror” flicks about (typically dangerous-animal-infested) natural disasters. I dreamed of these films becoming a reality for the bigger screen. What 13-year-old me wouldn’t have given to see an enraged shark or crocodile in a ridiculous plot line with a budget over twenty quid.
This being said, if I went back and told my younger self that a film called Cocaine Bear featuring a bear on cocaine causing havoc in a national forest, was coming to the big screen with a budget of $30 million, I would’ve called myself clinically insane. However this is where 2023 has dragged us and for all the (many) faults this film has, I loved every second of it.
My favourite thing about this film is that it is based on real life. In 1985 a 150-pound black bear (Pablo Eskobear) ate 40 kilos of cocaine and died 15 minutes later. The bear is now stuffed and proudly displayed in the Mall of America.
Instead of following this funny, yet slightly disturbing story, Elizabeth Banks envisioned what would happen if this bear became an unstoppable killing machine with a thirst for blood and an addiction to a dangerous high.
This ridiculous idea is undoubtedly funny and provides more laughs than any character or joke in the film ever could. However, the bear quickly proves itself to be more than just a comedic element, providing scenes of fun terror through its unpredictable attributes, giving it more threat than some classic slashers.
Nobody expected the film with the bear with the raging coke addiction to be good. From a technical standpoint, we were not wrong. The plot is so predictable that if there wasn’t a drugged-up bear, I could’ve and would’ve left after about 5 minutes knowing everything that was going to happen.
Additionally, the characters are less like people and more like fodder to pad out this bear’s kill count. Within the five minutes they are on screen there is a surprisingly uber-violent death and it is near impossible to like or care about any character. It appears that any emotional depth this film could’ve had is immediately overshadowed by the inclusion of a bear on cocaine.
I think my main issue with this film is that it constantly reminds the audience that they are in on the joke. The joy of these terrible films is the slight realism they try to maintain through their wacky plot, but by laughing at itself, Cocaine Bear feels less humorous and too self-aware for its own good.
However, that is the critic in me. The 13-year-old side of me thinks that a film in which a bear tears a man’s leg off and then proceeds to snort a line of cocaine off of it, is peak cinema. I can’t wait to see what insane plotlines may come next. LSD Lions anyone?