Charley’s unsolicited takes on the uni topics no one dares to mention…
When you move to Sheffield, no one warns you about the hills. People talk about West Street, the SU, or how “it’s such a green city.” But the real Sheffield experience is being personally attacked by gravity on a daily basis. Every slope has a personality, and none of them have your best interests at heart.
Brook Hill: The Show-Off
That short, sharp incline outside the SU, running up past the Arts Tower towards Broomhill. From the bottom, it looks fine. You think, “I’ll be up there in thirty seconds.” Then suddenly your lungs betray you, just as a lecturer floats past with their Pret coffee, not even breaking stride. To make it worse, you’ve got an audience: buses full of students staring down at you from the roundabout. Brook Hill lives for your humiliation.
Crookes Bank and Barber Road: The Relentless Parents
If you live up in Crookes, these are your daily nemeses. Crookes Bank drags on forever past the Springvale pub and up to Bargain Booze, while Barber Road sneaks up on you as the “shortcut” to campus. Neither are impossible, but both grind you down through sheer repetition. Aldi bags filled with tins? Fatal mistake. Coping strategies include “checking your phone” at every lamppost or promising yourself a Greggs at the top.
The Endcliffe to Campus Climb: The Morning Drill Sergeant
Freshers in Endcliffe or Ranmoor know this hill all too well. The trudge from your flat, through Broomhill, past Sainsbury’s Local, and down towards the SU is a nightmare at 8:45am. Especially if you went out the night before. You swear you’ll leave earlier so you don’t arrive to your lecture red-faced and sweaty, but it never happens. By the time you reach the IC, you’re ready to give up on your degree.
Conduit Road: The Final Boss
Off Crookesmoor Road, connecting straight up into Walkley. Conduit isn’t a hill, it’s an ordeal. Attempting it on foot feels like some cruel fitness trial, the kind you didn’t sign up for. Cyclists treat it like Everest. Students attempt it once, then spend the rest of the year traumatised and warning their friends never to try. By the top you’ve left something behind. Your dignity, probably. Conduit isn’t just steep, it’s a villain. Survive it, and you deserve not just a degree, but a medal.
So yes, Sheffield has beautiful parks, legendary nights out, and one of the best student unions in the country. But what really unites us is the battle against these very specific, very personal enemies. Forget the gym. Sheffield is already training you for the Hunger Games.
Come back next Monday for another column from your new favourite oversharer!
