Charley’s unsolicited weekly take on the uni topics no one else dares to mention…
It’s almost a month into summer- How exciting! Back to living with the parents, mourning Leadmill Fridays and mourning my beloved title of the “silly fresher”. So, what should I do instead? Start a weekly opinion column to occupy my spare time, and hopefully provide some entertainment for yours? Sounds about right to me!
If you think you too may be suffering from symptoms of withdrawal, please refer to my handy checklist below:
- The Botanical Garden Blues
Yes, we know we all need fresh air but if its not an aesthetic garden moment I’m not having it. The big gates, the greenhouse, even the slightly underwhelming bear pit, it’s become home (and my favourite spot to take the cutest pictures with my book for my Instagram story). Touching grass really isn’t the same when its not amidst students trekking back from their Tesco shop, screaming kids and that one couple that occupies a bench in the corner for way too long.
2. The Student Union Sweats
The distant memories of trying to find a seat to eat my sausage roll have never been fonder, and the shop that never seems to have the right flavour of monster. The one place you’ll always see that one person you really don’t want to see- but it beats seeing people from secondary school you haven’t seen from years in home bargains on a Tuesday night! I mean, I might just be lucky because I have my very own secret hiding place within our beloved SU (come find me- I dare you!) but I’m sure its sorely missed by everyone nevertheless.
- The Foundry Flu
If you asked me the same questions after the first Roar of February, I definitely would not have the same attitude towards our very own night club, but who doesn’t miss the chaos of the wildest costumes decorating Sheffield every night to end up congregating in the most claustrophobic, sweaty nightclub of existence? It beats bed rotting on a Wednesday night binge watching Doctor Who- that’s for sure. For now, we’ll just ignore the treacherous foundry x Leadmill Fridays collab that just doesn’t make sense and I will keep longing for my orange vk at the end of the night (before I decide I hate the foundry again and avoid it for the rest of the year)!
- Flatmate Fever
The penultimate strongest symptom of this horrible illness also known as being home in a small town (if it counts as a town) which literally contains a tube station, a playground and my secondary school. Who doesn’t miss their flat/house mates? Your platonic soulmates you’ve basically trauma bonded with at this point who you can’t live without- and make your parents (sorry!) seem like very lousy replacements. Planning room décor, kitchen rotas, house parties: literally the only way to stay sane when your true loves have left you for their real family.
Drumroll please…
5. Pub Palpitations
The absolute desperation for a cold pint of Guinness that is actually poured correctly (not a dig at the fox and duck there). Pub quizzes, karaoke, or just casual drinks have literally become the holy trinity in my life. If my daily vocabulary does not consist of the words “pub” “spoons” or “pint”, you know I have been kidnapped and replaced by a clone. A long day of sleeping in till 11 and crawling into to that one lecture that you definitely paid attention in, then you get home to your fabulous flatmates and traipse out to the pub for a glorious night of Guinness and gossip? Now that’s heaven to me.
If you have experienced two or more of these symptoms, I advise you to seek urgent medical attention. Actually, 5 skibidi rizz bombs and a £5 pound round during freshers week may just do the trick!
Keep up your facetimes with your estranged flatmates and plan every single poster to grace your wall and this everlasting summer will be over before you know it!
Come back next Monday for more gossip from your new favourite oversharer!
Image credit: Sheffield & district Camra
