When people first join University, they picture their life to be like those depicted in the movies – making loads of friends, having the perfect work and social life balance, and genuinely living a picturesque life.
I certainly had those preconceptions.
I had taken a year out to resit my A-levels just so I could get into the University of Sheffield, so my expectations were really high and I was so excited to join.
However, I actually really struggled during the first year. This was not helped by the fact that I was a covid fresher – and pretty much everything in Sheffield was either shut, or restricted to the rule of 6 people per table (which for a flat of ten people, was far from ideal).
In actual fact, during the second week of University I had to have a meeting with my personal tutor because I was thinking about dropping out.
Struggling so much with imposter syndrome during the first year of University, particularly in the first semester, hit me hard. I was in lectures with people who seemed to be experts at the subject topics we were discussing – mentioning words and theories that I had never even heard of before. It was honestly really tough. Especially with resitting my A-levels, I was surrounded by people who got into the University their first try so I felt like I was less worthy of being on the course. It was not until I got my first assessment back from one of my modules, and read some of the feedback, that I thought I deserved to be here.
I also found myself being really socially withdrawn from my flat. I really struggled with overthinking – I was constantly thinking that my flatmates disliked me, or were irritated by me and that was a really hard headspace to get out of. I’d always been a bubbly, talkative person, but I found myself not wanting to say anything out of fear of being judged. In reality, that was just me overanalysing and, in hindsight, I wish I would have got more involved within the flat. I still speak to my flatmates from first year and very quickly came to the realisation that they did, in fact, like me, but at the time it was something that was the cause of a lot of worry, and also a lot of stress.
I don’t think anyone ever talks about how difficult it can be to live with strangers – people who do not know a thing about you or your personality. However, my advice would be to try and relax because everyone is feeling the same as you – and it is definitely not worth stressing over. Just enjoy your time with them!
There was also the issue of Covid, which made it almost impossible for me to meet anyone outside of my flat. All of my lectures and seminars were held online, society events were held online; in-person interactions were hard to come by and even those few society ‘socials’ were very occasional. It actually felt quite isolating at times. But I did join women’s rugby (SUWRFC) which is a society that means so much to me now.
Now, it wasn’t always doom and gloom within my first year. I made some amazing memories. One of my favourites is of the flat “pub” golf nights we used to have – decorating all of our bedrooms into themed rooms with various drinks for us all to try.
However, second year was when my University experience really changed – a lot of it due to my involvement within the rugby team. Without a doubt SUWRFC has been one of the most amazing things about my University life. I have made such a fantastic group of friends, and have such an incredible support network within the club. Playing rugby also gets me out of the house, is a great way to alleviate any stress, and it is also just something that I love doing. In fact, I loved it so much that during second year I ran to be their Vice Club Captain – a role that I am very much looking forward to this year!
In terms of my imposter syndrome – that eventually eased during the end of first year. And after speaking to some of my course mates this year, a lot of them felt the same. So, in all honesty, if you ever feel like this, the chances are at least half of your fellow course mates feel the same and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
Furthermore, I have made some of the most amazing memories within my flat last year, and I am so excited to be living with them again this year. They will definitely be friends for life; they have helped me so much throughout the year and have been such a big comfort.
Sometimes University does not always go as expected but what I’ve learnt is: that’s okay! One thing I am really glad about is that I persevered. If I had dropped out like I wanted to in those first few weeks I would not have made the friends or created the memories that I have with me today, and that truly would have been a shame.
University has helped me grow in more ways than I could imagine, going from a quite socially anxious person, to someone who is constantly pushing their boundaries and embracing all of the opportunities that I am presented with.
So, although I found it difficult at first, things definitely got better, and I would not change my experience for the world.
