The quality of student housing is always a questionable factor – everyone has their own random details or quirks that can change whether an entire property is valuable to them or not. But one thing that seems synonymous with student houses is something being broken. When have you ever seen a student house without at least one thing broken?
We moved into our house this year to find one person’s door off its hinges, one of our chairs broken and one person’s chair reminiscent of one you sat on in year three – except this was bright pink. The landlord even told us that the last tenant found that chair when theirs broke and chose not to have it replaced. Within the first few weeks a bathroom cord had been pulled off, the kitchen door had a chunk missing, a leaking shower was about to fall through into the living room and a mirror had cracked – the last three weren’t even our fault (trust me on this one, the handyman broke the mirror when fixing the shower).
Room sizes are a key aspect of student housing. Many student houses have rooms of different sizes within the same property, usually paying the same rent. Put yourself in our shoes – the seven of us had signed the contract; seven flatmates who would survive the year, exams, the Derwent fire of 2022, a holiday, and house drama (more of this later) and we were very happy. Our house is lovely and in a great spot. But then someone piped up “so what room does everyone want?”
A hush went over the kitchen, we all looked at each other, knowing looks in our eyes. We had all seen all seven rooms, we had the floorplan in front of us and we all could see what each other were thinking. There were rooms ranging from 8m² to 12m², some with sinks, some on the ground floor. We all knew what we wanted and what we really didn’t.
We then entered a strange period, this eloquent dance of political negotiation. None of us were particularly good at this sort of thing, but just like a session of PMQs we knew every word we said, and indeed had said before, would be up for debate. Every comment, question, need and want would be called up and questioned, each looking to outwit the others and secure what they wanted. It makes Rishi Sunak’s Northern Ireland deal look easy. There was no room for error. Those who got what they wanted rejoiced. Those who didn’t, well let’s just say that everyone in our house DEFINITELY knows who’s got the smallest room (despite choosing it because they like the number).
Student accommodation, both halls and private, bring one other factor never before experienced. A dangerous, volatile possibility that brings looks of pained terror throughout our house at its very name. “Flatcest” is a major risk, and let me stress, something to be avoided at all possible costs. There are stories of this leading to good things, but let ours be a cautionary tale of why the risk far exceeds any possible reward. Towards the end of our first semester at university, two of our flatmates decided that out of the thousands of potential people in and around Sheffield, that they wanted to get with one another, and committed Flatcest, which continued until Christmas.
The details of what happened next are somewhat unclear, and to this day we don’t know what happened, but after Christmas they came back and all that had come before was gone, instead replaced with a bitter hatred towards one another. They would swipe at each other every chance they got, one dedicating their life to berating and attacking the other at every chance they got. This boiled over in November of 2022, in a day we’ve come to know as ‘The Reckoning’, with the attacked finally striking back at the attacker. It’s now month 15 since the drama began, and the onslaught continues. The five in our house not involved in the flatcest continue to be plagued by its consequences, as does the bullied party of the two involved, with no sign of his attacker letting up. As the Backstreet Boys and the cast of & Juliet have told us: “All you people can’t you see, can’t you see, How your love’s affecting our reality.” DO NOT COMMIT FLATCEST!
Student houses are strange little ecosystems, but they’re also loads of fun. When it comes to sorting housing, there are a couple of useful tips, the first being to start early. Have a think about what you’re doing next year and be honest both with yourself and those who you do/don’t want to live with. By sitting on the fence, it delays looking as the number of people is usually the first factor to narrow down where you go. Also, familiarise yourself with the areas of Sheffield, thinking about what you want. If you’re a social butterfly and want to go to loads of house parties or be near other students, try Crookes or Broomhill. If you want to be close to University or town, maybe Broomhall or the city centre is better for you. Remember to consider not only the walks to your mate’s for a great party, but also the walks home in the freezing rain after six hours of lab work!
When you start viewing places, if there’s anything you’re not sure about, ask the landlord and they’ll help you out. But if you can, also consider getting in touch with tenants – they may not all want to talk but those that do will tell you everything you need to know (and other bits the landlord may have not mentioned). Also, read your contracts and get parents or the university to read them, they’ve seen them before so will know what should be there and what shouldn’t.
If you’re still unsure where to start, check out some more tips from the Student Union, where they also have a helpful student housing map: https://su.sheffield.ac.uk/advice-and-support/housing/looking-for-housing
Happy hunting!