Ah, Valentine’s Day. The day of love and affection, where hearts flutter and roses bloom in celebration of romantic bliss. Ew. A rebellion against the very ideals Valentine’s day represents was in order. Steel City Sirens’ F*ck the 14th, shattered our hearts and replaced them with raw sensuality and bold desire. This wasn’t your grandma’s Valentine’s Day soirée; oh no, it was a steamy, sultry spectacle that dared to ask: what if love isn’t the only thing worth celebrating? 

This year, they threw caution to the wind and embraced a world where sex reigns supreme over saccharine sentimentality. These performers weren’t just strutting their stuff; they were owning it like girl bosses, every act being a smackdown to societal norms. And can we talk about the costumes? Honey, they were serving looks hotter than a jalapeño on a summer day. It was like a fashion show in a war zone—in the best way possible.

Lilith started us off with the confidence of a goddess, shedding her clothes like yesterday’s news and leaving nothing but sparkling glitter to cover her. It was cool, it was sexy, and it set the tone for the night perfectly. Poppy and Cherry explored the tantalising world of whips. Let me tell you, these ladies didn’t hold back. And then there was the silent library dance—because who knew librarians could be so seductive? This performer wasn’t just blowing the dust off books; they was setting the whole damn library on fire.

Now, let’s talk fun. Ever wondered what goes down in the Mushroom Kingdom when Mario’s off chasing Bowser? Well, come to their show and you shall wonder no more. It was like stepping into a video game dreamland, and I never wanted to leave.But what really got my heart racing was the sheer audacity of it all. These performers weren’t just dancing; they were flipping Valentine’s Day and shouting, “We don’t need love to feel alive!”. It was raw, it was real, and it was downright exhilarating.

But the real MVP of the night: presenter Rosie. This woman was an absolute force, set apart by her killer crowd work. I’m talking about roasting her own boyfriend in the audience, sharing saucy stories like she was dishing out sweets, and then daring members of the audience to do the same. Let’s just say, things got spicy real quick. During the breaks, Rosie kicked things up a notch with speed dating sessions, with five brave souls from the audience stepping up to the plate, ready to answer three steamy questions in the hopes of catching the eye of their potential match. And let me tell you, things got downright scandalous. My favourite? “I have a nipple piercing, and tasting that would feel like keys—but there’s no place like home, is there?”

So, if you’re tired of the same old shows and ready to raise some hell, do yourself a favour and catch Steel City Sirens’ next show… because there is only one moral of this story: if you go to one of their shows, you will leave a little less straight than when you first walked in.

Rating: ★★★★★

F*ck the 14th was performed in Raynor Lounge at Bar One. For future shows from The Steel City Sirens, see @steelcitysirens on Instagram