TW: Mention of sexual assault.
Casual sex at university in the UK is a huge cultural rite of passage amongst students. A lot of students experience their first sexual encounters within the first week, as it tends to involve an exorbitant amount of drinking and clubbing. With your inhibitions lowered and your beer goggles on, people may end up looking more attractive than you first thought. The single life is different for everyone but one thing that people seem to find difficult is to meet their sexual needs, which leads people to engage in casual sex. I spoke to some University of Sheffield students in order to get to grips with how students truly feel about casual sex in 2024.
One Psychology student in her final year asserts: “I can get just as much satisfaction from self-gratification as I do with sex, just minus a potentially traumatic experience”, showing that bad experiences are pushing some people to participate in casual sex less, and in this case, she feels it has worked for her. She vowed two years ago that she wanted to abstain from sex until she is in a committed relationship.
“Casual sex leaves me feeling used and hurt, which has a knock-on effect on my mental health. The dichotomy between sex and affection have become mutually exclusive, it feels like an unspoken rule that casual sex cannot be intimate. Asking a man to be caring is like asking for marriage these days, as it is always considered getting too attached.” She expressed her concern for the nature of hookup culture and that women are considered as either “whores” or “prudes” because of how much they engage in sex.
Another student in his final year studying Urban Planning said: “I feel pressure to keep my body in shape when I am engaging in casual sex.” He has been in a long-distance relationship for 3 years. Just over a year ago they made the decision to make it open. “Casual sex helps us both because we can scratch that itch and can try things the other person wasn’t interested in.” However, it certainly has its downsides.
“Gay hookup culture can be dangerous, there can be drugs involved and people get taken advantage on gay hook-up apps, which makes casual sex easy, almost too easy. “I often get scared that people aren’t who they say they are.”
He confessed to being assaulted: “I have been sexually assaulted 3 times and all of the assailants were friends of mine.” People tend to exploit friendship and power to force themselves on others. One instance involved spiking. “It ruined my mental health and physical health, I didn’t know what he’d done to me. I was put on a waitlist for 4 years to see a psychosexual therapist and by then I had already been assaulted again. My relationship with sex was broken, I was having a panic attack every time I had sex.”
Sexual assault is rife at university. People going from being classed as children, to being thrown into a world where there are no eagle-eyed parents keeping them on the right track and can help them explore their sexuality in a much freer way. Although sexual assault can occur anywhere, anytime, NUS found in their #CombatMisconduct research that 62% of respondents had experienced sexual misconduct at university.
A student in her final year studying Aerospace Engineering said: “When I started having casual sex, I was so young and it was definitely due to my surroundings, literally everyone my age was doing it. It was sort of a way to get external validation that I became dependent on.”
She admits that her confidence has skyrocketed since abstaining from casual sex: “I’m much less dependent on others to validate me, I can get it from myself. It has also let me form deeper personal connections that I now value much more now.”
A student in his final year studying Chemical Engineering reveals that after 2 years in a relationship sex became more exciting: “I went on around 5 dates after my breakup and the thrill of having sex with someone different is better when you get along, it definitely helped with my mental health after a rough breakup.” It certainly wasn’t what it seemed though he goes on.
“One girl that spent the night was being really motherly the next morning, she was cooking pancakes and folding my clothes. I really regretted it because I just wanted her to leave. I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex and how I won’t find anyone as attractive as her.” Aside from this, he is happy to be single and is enjoying casual sex: “I am finally not being controlled in terms of when and where I can go out. I do think I prefer to be in a relationship but not yet, I’m having too much fun.”
It is clear that sex means something different for everyone. However, hookup culture often comes with expectations. If there is anything we can take from this, it is that you need to do what you are comfortable with. It is important to check-in with yourself and look after your mental and physical health above all else!
Support is available to any University of Sheffield student that has experienced sexual violence/harrassment and guidance is available on the University website.
