As Chelsea slotted their seventh goal of the afternoon past a helpless keeper and hapless defence, my dad and I got up from our seats and left the pub that had permitted us, for the past hour and a half, to rubberneck the mother of all back page pileups, and as we stepped into the biting air of a Norfolk winter, I realised something: football is dead.
Football is dead long live the Premier League.
The manic scrabble to reach the top flight and to stay there means everything – I’m a Norwich fan, and we haven’t embarrassed ourselves for nothing over the last few years.
The alternative? Championship anonymity. The FA’s cost-effective alternative to the gulag.
So, when Pep Guardiola observes that the ‘B teams’ of top Premier League sides should be given spots within the English Football League (EFL), who’s to argue with him?
The question must be posed, why not? They do it in Germany. It would put Britain’s premier youth players on a development fast-track. The model would also be likely to assist young British coaching talent in the same way it assisted German prodigies – Daniel Farke, David Wagner, and Thomas Tuchel all managed B teams early in their careers.
Yet it must be said that there are communities, histories, and local identities behind these clubs. The entire aspiration of a town or city can be packed into these institutions’ success. The same cannot be said for Pep’s B teams.
By giving the glorified reserves of Premier League sides equal billing with cornerstones of English social history, the authorities would be, intentionally or otherwise, degrading the players and managers who exhaust themselves for the betterment of their side’s week in, week out.
The policy may also put at risk the EFL’s weekly congregation, close to 500,000, by devaluing these divisions. The economic impact of dwindling crowds could be enormous.
However, the rot has already set in. 2016/17’s EFL trophy admitted 16 academy sides from the top two tiers to compete with, the existing entrants, all League One and Two clubs.
Formerly a beacon of footballing social mobility – making the unthinkable possible for so many teams; a day at Wembley, winning a trophy – warped by the will of an elite.
This is a pattern that’s trapped the EFL and Premier League in the archetypal toxic relationship, the devotion of one returned with the other’s indifference until it’s opportune to engage.
Guardiola himself is a prime example of this. Silent during the slow death of Bury F.C., a club half an hour’s drive from his own, he only acknowledges there are divisions below his when he spots an opportunity for his youth team.
Ultimately, the EFL must make this policy a red line.
If it doesn’t, if the future looks like away days to the hallowed turf of the Manchester City Academy Stadium, then we’ll all soon be longing for a cold Tuesday night in Stoke.