How much of university hookup culture is about the younger generation actually wanting casual sex, and how much is about just not wanting to feel left out?
When heading off to start university, it isn’t uncommon to have a preconceived notion that you’re expected to hook up and participate in casual sex and dating. But is this pressure real and should you really be worried?
“Hookup culture” is a phrase that you hear a lot at the age of eighteen when preparing to go to university. Whilst for some students, the discussion of hookups can cause excitement, for others, it can put a weighted blanket of pressure on their shoulders.
The epicentre of hookup culture at university is undoubtedly alcohol. Drinking and partying are a large part of social life for many students, and alcohol can blur the distinction between casual and meaningful sex. A drunken hookup is commonly seen as spontaneous and inconsequential, while choosing to sleep with someone when sober can be perceived as carrying greater emotional weight.
This isn’t to say alcohol is the only reason for casual hookups amongst students. Put thousands of 18-24 year olds in one city, living without their parents and, for most of them, experiencing sex and relationships for the first time, and casual encounters are bound to happen.
This can create an environment where hooking up feels like an expected part of the university experience. And for a student who doesn’t want to participate, it can sometimes feel as though they are opting out of more than just casual sex; they are opting out of the “done thing” and the experience everyone told them university was supposed to be.
Prior to leaving for university, many students hear a similar script: go out, make lots of friends, download dating apps, hook up. Whilst this advice is often meant as harmless encouragement, it can create an unnecessary pressure and expectation that university is the time to experiment sexually.
But how much of that experimentation actually comes from desire, and how much comes from the fear of missing out?
A third year student anonymously told Forge Press:
“I wouldn’t say I felt pressure or that people made fun of me, but I definitely felt FOMO. Being a virgin during my first year of university and seeing what felt like everyone else sleeping around casually made me feel like I was missing out.”
It is important to recognise that the assumption that everyone is participating in this culture may not actually reflect reality. The drunken hookups, dating app horror stories and messy situationships are just the stories that get shared. Someone going home alone, choosing sobriety or remaining in a committed relationship is simply a less entertaining story.
That is what makes hookup culture so difficult to navigate. You don’t necessarily have to be told to have sex. Sometimes, it is enough to believe that everyone else is doing it.
For some students, casual sex has nothing to do with pressure or FOMO. A third year student on their year abroad told Forge Press:
“I never felt pressured. I just did it if I wanted to basically.”
And this perspective is important. Casual sex isn’t inherently the result of pressure, insecurity or FOMO. For many students, it is simply something they enjoy and actively choose to participate in.
So to any student heading into university and worrying about the pressure of hookup culture: it is not something to worry about! You are not doing university “wrong” if casual sex isn’t for you, and there is also nothing wrong with enjoying it if it is something you genuinely want. Whether you leave university with a long-term partner, an abundance of dating horror stories, or neither, it is important to recognise that the only university experience you’re missing out on is the one you don’t actually want for yourself.
Image credits – Peter Bucks on Unsplash
